HOES OVER BROS !!!!

 

 

 

If you're not familiar with the term Hoes Over Bros...let me spell it out

for you. It means putting your friends first. Doesn't mean always putting

them first. We know all about priorities at our age. But our female friends

should never be put on the back burner. Believe me, you're going to need

them.

 

I just heard a story about a group of boomer women who were divorced

and widowed. They planned a great trip to Europe together and the one

by one they started dropping out. Why? Because they were afraid the men

in their lives would replace them in the ten days they were gone. If a middle

aged man would dump you for not being around while you were having a

wonderful time with your friends, well he doesn't deserve you. I would

take another look and run like hell because you will always be looking over

your shoulder..

 

 Have we not progressed from junior high when as soon as

a boy came in the picture, bye-bye girlfriends. But who were the first ones

you went running to when the the love of your life dumped you. But face it

ladies...this is the story of our lives. I know because I've been there.

 

It gets worse when the biological clock starts ticking and the primitive hunt

for a husband begins. Those chicks aren't letting go for anything.  Female

friendship is at an all time low. God Bless those friends who would still

listen to you after twenty break ups.

 

You would think in our later years that we would be a little smarter about

friendship. But apparently , we're not. Not that we don't want men in our

lives ...we do. Of course we do. Men can be your best friend. Lucky are

those ladies who have a spouse and best friend all rolled into one.

 

But celebrate the Hoes....they are the ones who remember that you like

peonies and love a Gin and tonic on a hot day. They will tell you that

your ass looks big in that outfit. (although in a nice way).

They are the ones who will be there for you in a special way when your

daughter gets married or you find out you have a lump in your breast.

 

Hoes Over Bros. Oh yes.

WERE YOU A GEEK IN HIGH SCHOOL?

Is there anything more heartbreaking than seeing a lonely figure in the middle
of a hormone smorgasbord? High school was a bitch if you care and you weren't included
...especially if your fellow classmates called you a nerd. Today it's hip to call yourself a
nerd. Sort of an endearing come-on that says I'm real....I'm smart..look at Bill Gates.

But that's now. Being a loser was rough .People were mean. there was little or no regard
at all for anyones's feelings. After all teenagers have the compassion and manners of
neanderthals. No one was out to look after anyone else's feelings. If you could dart under
the radar, that was the best you could hope for. There are urban legends about teenagers
who went out of their way to be nice to the new girl or boy  (especially if they were hot.) But
we all know that didn't happen very often. There's a pecking order...a food chain, if you
will, and we all knew our place. If you are at the bottom of the food chain each day was a
hellish marathon of self-preservation. The good news was that losers often become winner
and the nerds can easily take the world by storm. Do they ever forgive and forget. Doubt it
We are all, after all, just mortals. Hats off to the success stories....nice to know there's still
some magic to go around.

 

WHERE HAVE ALL THE PROM QUEENS GONE?

DO YOU EVER REALLY LEAVE HIGH SCHOOL?

Did you sit at the cool kids table in high school surrounded by the popular kids?…or did
you sit alone wondering when the prom queen or hunky jock was finally going to recognize
you? You have to admit you knew exactly who you were in high school. You knew your
place. High School for many was the equivalent to sticking a knitting needle in your eye
socket and going to bed with a migraine. New studies from Rutgers indicate that high school
is indeed a sadistic institution which shapes us forever. Was it?

We all know that maneuvering within the social confines of a high school society is a little like penetrating a secret cult. Chances are that prom queen never did see beyond the metal mouth
and the slight brush of acne. The question I pose is this….do you ever leave high school? Are
you doomed for a life of quite desperation and acceptance… or a life of “what-the-hell-is-wrong
-with-these-people….I was in the popular clique?”

I’ve been asking this question for years and have gotten the most incredible answers. Some
people are true professional successes who never feel good enough and others are still
waiting for life to hand them the prizes they feel entitled to.  High School is pretty much
a common experience. But can you leave it behind and get on with your life? I thought I
did. I loved high school until my Air Force dad brought us from England to the Bible Belt.
So I can see both sides.

I began researching high school several years ago with my former CNN colleague and good
friend Joanne Lechleiter. We took a survey and took a look at the common groups and
experiences we had in the sixties and seventies. You know, the cheerleaders, the jocks,
the bad boys, the bandies….and of course, the prom queens. We were so fascinated we wrote a screenplay...with the obvious title Where Have All the prom Queens gone.

So brush off those tiaras and football trophies , clarinets and leather jackets. Class is in
Session .This is your time. I will be blogging a weeks worth of high school.So please
send me your horror stories, your tears, your wtf moments.

NEW YEAR...NEW YOU...NEW THEM!!!!!

They may be grown....they may have their own lives. But  let's
face it, we're still trying to please them. Oh sure....we act like it
doesn't bother us when they say "Gee you people are getting old,"
or "isn't that a little young for you?" Yikes, that hurts.

And we still cringe when they don't like our gifts. You can read
it in their faces, even if they are borderline botox. Are we ever going
to get over this business of trying to make the holidays their  fantasy
moments of yester year. Let's face it they were bombed out on sugar
high when they were little. They were pretty easy to fool and impress.
We were the heroes that brought them this magical extravaganza called
Christmas. Can't we give it up now. Is it time yet?

Wish it was for me. Wish I didn't keep a list that would impress Nancy
Pelozi with every penny spent on each kid. Even if they are buying
their own homes and cars I still worry if I spent ten dollars more on one
of them This is insane!!!

Does anyone else do this? Does anyone even care. When does this
insanity stop. Well maybe...possibly.....perhaps...2013.
next year....... .

THE DEMI DEBAUCHLE!!!!

Happy Birthday Demi. This has been a rough year for you, girl. Your marriage ended and you have the pain of seeing the ex with a hot young number in the tablouds every week. Well it goes to show....you can be as beautiful and talented as Demi Moore and you can still get dumped. Especially if your husband is just about the cutest thing on the planet and happens to be 34, which would be three years older than my oldest son. Seriously Demi. Is there any chance in hell that a 50 year old woman, albeit a gorgeous one, can keep the interest of a man-child . Or for that matter would want to?

I'm sure they thought they were soul mates, and all that business. But at the end of the day , she needs her beauty rest and he is ready to Par-tay. Imagine the peppiness you'd have to pour on everyday. It's exhausting to even think about it. You'd have to have be "on" twenty four seven, and for most of us there isn't enough vitamins, exercise or medication that can keep us at the pace of a thirty four year old.

Is it just me, or is a fabulous dinner and a couple of drinks enough. I've done my time dancing on tables and staying out late with pretty boys. Give me a guy with salt and pepper hair and a reasonable amount of perky where it counts and I'm pretty happy.  Here's a hint ladies . If he thinks Crosby, Stills and Nash is a law firm, then he's too young for you. If he was born after 1960, leave him alone. That's the best advice I can give. Otherwise you're on your own.

But if you disagree and it's worked out well for you, you have my admiration. Tell us your story about your May-December relationship. Dying to know. And as for you Demi, get over it. You have a lot more living to do. So do it already.

DEAR ABBY NAILS IT!!!

You've gotta love Dear Abby. I've been reading her advise since I was a teenager. Sometimes I don't agree. Sometimes she seems a little old fashioned, a little out of touch.  But Oh Mama, she nailed it on this one.

DEAR ABBY:
I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter. But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40's) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves.
I'm looking for an attractive woman to accompany me through life. Most single men put a premium on a woman's appearance. Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner?

DEAR MR PARTICULAR:
Start at the nearest gym. If that doesn't net you what you're trolling for, another place to look would be the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Hef throws large parties there, many of which are fundraisers. Who knows? For a generous donation you might meet a woman  who meets your high standards--providing you have enough assets to merit her interest.

ME:
Abby , honey, you own this. I thought this was hilarious. Don't  you know men-on-the-prowl that sound exactly like this sanctimonious ass?.

MIDDLE AGE LOVE IN THE TIME OF VIAGRA

There's nothing poetic about it. The rules of love had changed. At the turn of the century you lived to be maybe thirty , then you died. Simple. Marriages lasted long enough to produce plenty of children. If the woman didn't die in childbirth , then she was usually destined to be a widow. The party was over. As for middle age sex, well, it was pretty much a non entity.

Today we have thirty years more added to our life expectancy. Ouch. That means more years of being married. And here's the thing. We are now in our fifties, sixties, and guess what? We don't feel it. We go to the gym, we eat right, and to be honest we still feel young-at-heart, even though that occasional glimpse in the mirror may tell us otherwise.

Now men at fifty and sixty are popping the Viagra and Cialis like candy corn on Halloween. Men are taking testosterone shots to keep aging at bay and feeling good about themselves. You might ask, what does that mean to the traditional marriage? It means, simply, that the playing field is now unequal. Women are just popping out of the hell hole that is menopause, and men are revved up like formula one race cars. This in NOT a pretty picture, ladies. Someone is going to get burned here, and it isn't going to be penis pill popping poppa's..

Add to this formula fifty percent of women who didn't make their first (or second ) marriage work. They are out on patrol, looking for replacement husband. After all fifty and sixty year old men are just as desirable to 35-40 year old women. These women have kids that will need college educations ...and they have hair extensions to buy . It doesn't matter how paunchy your spouse is or how bald, socially awkward or unattractive. If he's successful, has a bank account and some property, he is desirable. All those single women struggling to make ends meet will gladly change places with you. They like the looks of your life. You may laugh and think ok...Skank alert. Remember you heard it here first.....from some fantastic ladies I've interviewed who never knew what hit 'em.