Gone are the days of breaking up with a face-to-face confrontation, or
keying his car or even renting a hateful billboard. Oh, no. Breaking up today
has to be even more creative. It's Pinterest, baby!!!! So get out the glue gun,
hoist out the craft supplies and break up like you mean it!!!!!
YOU USED TO PUT A SPELL ON ME
Nothing says I hate your ass like a voodoo doll. I prefer ones
with bright colors, errant hair and googly eyes. They're
are easy to make and inexpensive (just like your old boyfriend)
Just take scraps of material and go for it.. Feel free to
rip up his Armani suits and silk ties. Quality counts when you
do the voodoo. Stick pins in them,
attach messages to them. He's gonna think you're crazy ....but
he's also going to be scared shitless. Hey who doesn't love a crazy
bitch, after all?
.
TIE A SNARKY BANNER 'ROUND THE OLD OAK TREE
We all know and love Pinterest for making the pendant banner a
daily pick-me-up. He saw them at your nephews birthday and
waved them for his fave sports team. He knew you had a freak flag...
but he'll be shocked as hell when he sees this one flying. Pinterest...
you. taught me well
NOT YOUR BIGGEST FAN THESE DAYS
Don't we all dream of someone fanning us gently and feeding
us grapes (peeled of course) . But if your former honey is
feeding you a line of bullshit it's time to make it known.
Make a pretty paper fan and show him you will no longer be
blowing smoke up his ass!!!
DRINK UP BITCHES WITH..... HIT THE ROAD JACK
Who doesn't drool over the recipes of Pinterest or wish we were
having that effortless party . But instead of wishing you had another
life...get one. Here's a simple drink you can make and give to
him called .......HIT THE ROAD JACK. Let him drink it....tell him to
drive responsibly and take the highway to hell straight out of your life.
1 shot of Jack Daniels
Sweet and Sour mix (splash)
Triple Sec
Diet Coke to taste
WITCHY WOMAN KISS OFF
Sometimes breaking up calls for desperate measures. Being subtle
doesn't seem to work. But you don't have to throw all his clothes
out the window or put his sports car on Craig's list. Just keep it
simple, unlike the insane relationship you've been having for the
last two years. And nothing says it better than this little message.
The bad boy of all things culinary is on the lookout again. This
time he's looking for aspiring restaurateurs for season two of the
hit show Food Court Wars.
So put on your chef coat and your big girl knickers...cuz' Ramsey is
one tough cook-ie. But if you have an amazing idea for a food court
restaurant or maybe you already have one and want to bring it to the
world of mall food courts. Do you think you can knock out the
competition and meet Ramsey's harsh standards?
If so and if you have "locally inspired " cuisine send it to: FoodCourtWars@theColinCompany.com
Tell them your name, and name of your teammate. City zip that you
live in. A bio about you and your teammate is also a must with reasons you'd
be great for the show. Send a photo of you and your teammate (jpeg)
and you're on your way. Happy Cooking Good Looking!!!!!
Not often the devout get a chance to be paraded in front of
the tv cameras. Which is perhaps a big mistake....too much
Miley, not enough Mother Theresa. Anyway Catholic gals
here's your chance to shine.
They' re looking for young, dynamic Catholic women of all
ranges of the "faith" scale from those on the fringe to total
religious women. If you have an exciting life or share your faith
on your everyday journey ...these producers want to know.
Be sure and send your name, location, age, a photo (jpg) and write about your life and
your journey with faith.
Apparently teenage girls have a new goal to add to their top
ten list of achievements. Along with getting into Stanford ,
writing their best selling novel before age 18 and dating Justin
Bieber, they have added thigh gap to their list.
For those of us who are new to this concept...and new to the
reality that there are some people who actually have thighs that you
can see through, this is startling. You have to be pretty lean to have
a gap between your thighs, and I think most of us will agree that
for many it's impossible. Teenage girls don't need to feel bad about
their bodies, they feel bad about everything. Giving up eating so their
friends will envy their Milly Cyrus legs will cause nothing but pain.
When we were teenagers we worried about lots of things. It goes with
the territory. Getting good boobs and learning how to get boys to like
you seemed to occupy most of my friends time. But thighs. Never. I mean
how much time do you actually think about your thighs? When I first read
about this I thought it said Tai...and I was way on my way to planning a
nice Asian dinner.
If your thighs bother you, put on some baby powder. They won't rub. Maybe
it's time anyway to give up the Daisy Duke's. Probably is.
Boy we really screw those teenagers up, don't we? Photo
shop images that make everyone look like a waif are not only wrong, they
send out a reckless standard that most girls will never be able to live
up to. But then who the hell cares about thigh gap ? I don't , you don't. But
sadly, they do.
I always remembr Ann Landers (that dates me here) saying that we all had a
perfect body , once upon a time. It reaches perfection when you're about
nineteen and fast asleep. A lot of good that did us!!
Show them this video . I love it. It says it all. Then tell that teenager
that she's beautiful. because she is!!!!
