SPLITTING HAIRS!!!!

It's a tale as old as time. When you hit forty should you chop off your hair and don a poodle cut or a Dorothy Hamil "do"? .....do you go for the inoffensive short classic Bob, or perhaps a neat bun or chignon? Ditch that I say. Take a look at what 66 looks like with long hair.  That's right, Jacqueline Smith, with gorgeous hair looking quite spectacular.

I don't know if she has hair extensions. Frankly I don't care. But I have to say, from my own experience, that long hair has it's pluses. I grew my hair long quite by accident last year. I was working hard on a reality show and I kept missing my monthly hair trims. So , before I knew it, it was shoulder length. And I love it. Perfect in a pony tail for the gym, and honestly it garners quite a bit of positive attention. At our age, you take what you can get.

Now if you're going to wear your hair long, grey roots are probably not going to cut it. I told my family if I go in a coma, please have Larry come once a month to color  my hair. If I actually knew how much grey I had, I would probably be headed straight back to la-la land.

So how do you feel about it. Long hair or short? Send me your pictures. I have a feeling there are some good looking boomchicks out their sporting a long "do".

DEAR ABBY NAILS IT!!!

You've gotta love Dear Abby. I've been reading her advise since I was a teenager. Sometimes I don't agree. Sometimes she seems a little old fashioned, a little out of touch.  But Oh Mama, she nailed it on this one.

DEAR ABBY:
I am a divorced father of two children, one in college and the other in high school. I have reached a point where I can take trips and make time for me. I am well-educated and earn an above-average income. I'm in decent shape and considered a "catch" by many of the single women I encounter. But most of the women in my age bracket (mid-40's) or slightly younger no longer take care of themselves.
I'm looking for an attractive woman to accompany me through life. Most single men put a premium on a woman's appearance. Where would you suggest finding a suitable partner?

DEAR MR PARTICULAR:
Start at the nearest gym. If that doesn't net you what you're trolling for, another place to look would be the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. Hef throws large parties there, many of which are fundraisers. Who knows? For a generous donation you might meet a woman  who meets your high standards--providing you have enough assets to merit her interest.

ME:
Abby , honey, you own this. I thought this was hilarious. Don't  you know men-on-the-prowl that sound exactly like this sanctimonious ass?.

MIDDLE AGE LOVE IN THE TIME OF VIAGRA

There's nothing poetic about it. The rules of love had changed. At the turn of the century you lived to be maybe thirty , then you died. Simple. Marriages lasted long enough to produce plenty of children. If the woman didn't die in childbirth , then she was usually destined to be a widow. The party was over. As for middle age sex, well, it was pretty much a non entity.

Today we have thirty years more added to our life expectancy. Ouch. That means more years of being married. And here's the thing. We are now in our fifties, sixties, and guess what? We don't feel it. We go to the gym, we eat right, and to be honest we still feel young-at-heart, even though that occasional glimpse in the mirror may tell us otherwise.

Now men at fifty and sixty are popping the Viagra and Cialis like candy corn on Halloween. Men are taking testosterone shots to keep aging at bay and feeling good about themselves. You might ask, what does that mean to the traditional marriage? It means, simply, that the playing field is now unequal. Women are just popping out of the hell hole that is menopause, and men are revved up like formula one race cars. This in NOT a pretty picture, ladies. Someone is going to get burned here, and it isn't going to be penis pill popping poppa's..

Add to this formula fifty percent of women who didn't make their first (or second ) marriage work. They are out on patrol, looking for replacement husband. After all fifty and sixty year old men are just as desirable to 35-40 year old women. These women have kids that will need college educations ...and they have hair extensions to buy . It doesn't matter how paunchy your spouse is or how bald, socially awkward or unattractive. If he's successful, has a bank account and some property, he is desirable. All those single women struggling to make ends meet will gladly change places with you. They like the looks of your life. You may laugh and think ok...Skank alert. Remember you heard it here first.....from some fantastic ladies I've interviewed who never knew what hit 'em.

 

 

PUT A CROCK IN IT!!!

It's that time of year again that salads don't quite cut it. If the leaves are turning and the temp drops , soup is the only thing that will satisfy. I make every kind of soup and I usually rip off the recipes from other people. I have tried tons of recipes, and I will be sharing my best with you. I love this soup. It's super easy and it tastes great. Plus you can freeze it. I like to add a squeeze of lime, a little sour cream, cheese and crunched up tortillas . Sure that "ups" the calorie count, but it's a satisfying meal. Bon Appetit!!



Crockpot Chicken Enchilada Soup

c/o Table for Two

Ingredients

3 tbsp. butter

3 tbsp. flour

1/2 cup chicken broth

2 cups milk (I used 2%)

1 can (10 oz) of enchilada sauce

1 can (15 oz) black beans, rinsed and drained

1 can (14.5 oz) Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies

1 package (10 oz) frozen corn

1 medium onion, diced

1 green pepper, diced

8 chicken tenderloins or 2 whole chicken breasts

Directions

1. In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium low heat and stir in the flour until smooth and bubbly.
2. Remove from heat and add in the chicken broth and 1/2 cup of milk, stirring to make sure there are no lumps.
3. Return to heat and bring to a gentle boil, stirring until it thickens. Then in a large bowl, whisk in the enchilada sauce and the chicken broth mixture.
4. Continue to whisk the mixture as you add the rest of the milk.
5. In a crockpot, combine the beans, tomatoes, frozen corn, onions, and green peppers.
6. Place the chicken tenderloins or breasts on top of this mixture.
7. Pour the sauce you just made over the chicken & veggie ingredients in the crockpot.
8. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or high for 3-4 hours.
9. Right before serving, take out the chicken and shred it. Then add it back into the pot and mix to combine well.
10. You can top this with whatever cheese you like and whatever toppings (olives, guacamole, sour cream, etc.)

DRINK UP WITCHES!!!!!!

Who doesn't love a Halloween cocktail? That extra touch of imagination makes the whole experience much more fun. It's guaranteed to bring our your inner witch and make that warlock of yours howl with delight. And even if you're flying solo.....a great landing is always desirable. So here's a sample of the best from Esquire.

So drink up witches. Halloween only comes once a year.

Voodoo Child

75 oz Smith & Cross Pot Still Rum
.75 oz Barbancourt White Rum
.75 oz St. Germaine Elderflower Liqueur
.75 oz Cointreau
1 oz fresh-squeezed lime juice
.5 oz fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice
1 dash Angostura Bitters
6 dashes chili tincture (or lighter-bodied hot sauce)
Combine all ingredients into a mixing tin, add your ice, and shake aggressively for about 20 seconds. Strain over fresh ice into a tumbler and get creative with your garnish. Dry ice? Cayenne-dusted lime wheels? Thinly-sliced fresh red chili? Fugu powder? Up to you.

NO SPANX!!!!!!

When I was growing up it was a big deal to finally...finally get to wear nylons No more anklets for me...I had arrived. Then came the inevitable question, how the hell do you keep those puppies to stay up. Well basically you had two choices, a girdle or a garter belt. As far as I was concerned there was no choice. Who in their right mind wanted to wear a garment with all the appeal of a Nurse Ratched endorsed straight jacket. They were hideous and they were so tight they made you nauseous. For some off reason some parents favored them. Could it be because they were the most passive aggressive birth control device ever invented?

My personal choice was the garter belt. I didn't realize it's sex appeal way back then. The teen models were not lacy or pretty, they were simply  functional. Then came the birth of pantyhose. A brilliant invention that kept me happy for decade. Then going bare legged kept me even happier. It's been a wonderful life with bare legs, some Origins ginger mouse and me.

So why, why people are we back to SPANX? . They are evil. I don't care how many celebrities wear them on the red carpet, or how much Oprah sings their praises. They are girdles. Sure they are nude colored and have cute packaging, but they are still meant to restrain. I recently worked on shooting a reality show of cute young singers. All these tiny girls wear them. Seriously!!!!. Do you wear them? Do you like them? Please someone give me a good reason to wear them.....or I'm just going to have to prance through the rest of my life with naked legs.